Thursday, August 14, 2014

Coming to terms with things...

My father is dying.  He has cancer.  He isn't a candidate for surgery.  He's supposed to get some tests that will reveal the extent of his illness.  Hopefully, it's confined to the esophagus/stomach.  His doctor wants to treat him with radiation/chemotherapy.  I won't know anymore until the middle of next week....

My brother is shaken up by things.  I'm not.  I've already come to terms with my father.  I'm tired of his tirades and temper tantrums about not having grandchildren.  My father has always been selfish and self-centered.  Everything revolves about him.  What he doesn't understand or want to deal with, he denies.

When my father dies, I feel a terrible burden will have been lifted from my shoulders.  There are certain things I've never told my father in order to simplify my life.  I never let him read any of my stories.  I went to an unbiased audience for constructive critiques and objective criticism.  I've never let him read any of my poetry.  I haven't let any of my family read my writings.

I find my voice in the written word.  I don't feel like apologizing for it.  I don't want to hurt their feelings.  I don't want to deal with my brother's egotism or his jealousy.  So my family has a limited view of who I really am as a writer.  I can write poetry and it'll have enough force to get a message across, whether in love or anguish.

The older I've gotten, the more writing has meant.  I don't holding back when I write.  It's different when I'm with family.  I don't say things to offend people and smile.  But all the while I'm counting down the days when I no longer have to.

How do I tell my father I'm no longer a Christian when he invokes Jesus to save him from the grave?
How do I tell him I've been attending a Reform Temple for four years and now am active in a Torah study?
How do I tell my father Jesus of Nazareth means nothing to me?

I've lived with these secrets for a long time.  I'm tired of being burdened by them.  My father's passing will ease things.  But they say even the newly converted are the worst when it comes to their former faiths...

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Sending out submissions

I sent submissions for short stories and poetry this past week.  I need to attend more WUTA meetings and have my other short stories critiqued.  I also need to go back to Big Books and attend the month critiques for various novels.

I won't be able to that until January 2015.  I'd like to get back to WUTA next Tuesday evening at the Focal Point.  I have lots of material to read.  I finished a final edit of a novella.  I also got revision of Kepler Falling done.  I'll review it one more time before sending it out for a copy editor.

My next project is rewriting short stories and revising Redemption of Eden.  Those are some of my late summer/early fall writing goals....